Men of the PFHC and anyone else deciding to expose themselves to yet another laborious and possibly tortureous post tourney rant;

 

That was one of the more lengthy introductions, but with it, maybe there will be a couple more engaged readers of this report bringing our total to 5.   

 

We made it back, safe and sound, from the 31st annual IAFF Hockey Championships.  OK, maybe safe but probably not sound.......at least not mentally sound anyway.  And no doubt all of the non attenders of this tournament are sitting on the edge of your seats, finding that you can't read this fast enough.  Wanting, yearning, craving to know all of the excitement this trip offered all the while living in regret of your absence.  But in somewhat partially vague and shifty eyed honesty you guys didn't really miss much.  So as I do for most of my post hockey reports I must daydream a bit and come up with some sort of eye catching and riveting gossip to make everyone believe, including us, that we had an unbelievably amazing experience up in the Motherland.  So if I may recap the entire package both on and off the ice I may do it best if I give kudos to the unsung heros of the trip........our sponsors.....and if they aren't our sponsors yet, they sure should be because the following groups made our tournament to Victoria the classic trip that is was.....I mean could have been.  And Sweet Jenny, I will attempt the rest of this rant with as little dangling participles as possible.  I hope to make you proud.

 

-Our first sponsor of the week should go to Red Bull and yes, they actually are our sponsor.  They provided us with 8, yes 8 cases of the delightfully carbonated sweetness.  We really couldn't get away from the stuff and yes, Casey is the Red Bull King.

 

-Second sponsor would have to be the mini van.  I may deny saying this but it's actually quite an enjoyable ride.  Both Tom O and The Chad were evidently sold long ago on this slightly mysterious vehicle.  Although be advised that if you're looking for a car for your next drive by shooting experience I would recommend you steer clear of the KIA Sonoma as the electric closing doors are painfully slow to watch shut.   

 

-And as I randomly continue to make stuff up about this epic trip our next sponsor would have to be the Black Ball Ferry.  They aren't just a catchy name.  They made the boat ride across the Strait of Juan de Fuca and into the Promised Land an unforgettable experience.  I'm not sure how they did it but they got some of the biggest swells going on that Strait, making the boat rock up and down 10 - 12 feet.  And where were we.......at the bow of course literally jumping up and down as the ferry negotiated with the angry sea.  

 

-Our next sponsor on this boring tournament would go to all those Norwegian Whale Killers out there.  You just don't meet those guys everyday so when you do you should really take that opportunity to thank them for all they do.  And did you guys know the Norwegian language is virtually the same as English.....evidently it's true.......besides the spelling, grammar, and vocabulary it's identical.......

 

-The next sponsor would be two fold:  First it would go to the fight for the cure for whatever disease Mikey's been plagued with that made him so skinny and second to the manufacturer of that brightly colourful and quite joyous hat atop Mike's head. 

 

-Our next sponsor needs to be a company that makes filters to be surgically implanted between the brain and lips of Nick.  That may just lengthen Nick's life but unfortunately make our lives much more uneventful.

 

-We would have to add Creekside Studios as our sponsor as well.  Beth Pulito helped out this whole week with pictures and videos of our games and even though the videos were somewhat of an ego bust we still enjoyed your work.  Thanks.  And I'm sure Jim will continue to allow you to wear his goalie mask in your hotel room anytime.

 

- This tournament also wouldn't be the same without a wheel chock sponsor.  At least for the Lethbridge touring bus that would have come in quite handy and avoided a roll into the metal clad structure at the rink.

 

-Next up would be Don Ho's Chinese Restaurant in downtown Vic.  After we left they promptly sold all of their 15 top round tables on Ebay, canceled their Sake supply, expedited an extra shipment of cats to their restaurant via overnight express, and made it a house policy to kick out any white boy who attempts a Chinese accent.  But they did give us 10% off.

 

-Next would have to be the goalie for Victoria's Hockey Team.  With complete poise and confidence the whole game he used the crossbar as more of a lean to than a net border.

 

-Our next faithful sponsor would be Ryan's mom and step dad, Diane and Ian.  They welcomed us at the hotel with a keg and had us over to their beautiful lake house for lunch, a dip in the frigidly cold lake, and a chance to feel somewhat normal and socially accepted again with society.  Thanks Diane and Ian for that and also your faithful fan support at all the games. 

 

-Another sponsor which made this tournament all that it was is Chipolte Mayo.  Thanks to them we not only saw a maylay of fists-a-flying but we got to see Walker and Nick engage themselves in battle on the floor in the pizza place up against the tweaking roid machine who lost all control and punched out a girl.  If it wasn't for their quick action to tackle this psycho I'm sure more people would have got punched out and Nick's pinky finger wouldn't have been an appetizer for the perp.  He clamped down on Mr. Fingy something fierce but Nick didn't let up on the rear naked choke hold.  Good job boys.

 

-And that above story wouldn't be quite complete without a dry cleaning sponsor for me and my head to toe chipolte sauce shower as well as our true and faithful sponsor of Depends Diapers for any unforseen incontinence that may have occured.

 

-Gatorade would be our next sponsor.  What a great stimulant and pick me up.  It really serves to arouse your senses and get the blood flowing.  It also allowed Labuda to play extra hard on our last game.

 

-Our Last Sponsor would be whatever the secret is to Cunningham's random acts and consistent level headedness.  The minor freelancing to the noodle shop, random acts of wood chopping, and long walks across the bridge are what make J.C. who he is.  "Like an onion"  he says,  "many layers" which makes knowing him, hanging out with him, and playing hockey with him always an adventure.  Here's to his first road trip with the PFHC. 

 

 

Now, allow me to give a quick and brief on ice tournament summary.  Our Conference had 16 teams and our division had 4 teams.  We won our division by beating all the teams in our division. 

Fort McMurray was our first game which we won 5-2.  Player of the Game went to Griffin for a solid performance on the ice and not having to crawl across the blue line. 

Victoria was our second victim which we beat 10 - 3.  Casey got a hat trick, Ryan got a couple, I got one as well as Cunningham and Buda.  We had to implement a 3 pass minimum in their end before we shot to make it more gentlemanlike.  They were good sports.  Casey was the Player of the Game.

West Van played us third.  We beat them 6-0.  goals from Ryan, me, Chad, and Tom O.  Player of the Game was Walker for a strong defensive game with solid passes as well. 

After we went 3-0 in Round Robin play we went to the Semi Finals against non other than my cousin Todd's Surrey team.  He surprised me with his presence the night before as He wasn't expected to make it.  We had to win this game to stay in and go to the final game.  It was a hard fought, up and down battle but we lost 3-2.  We had more puck possession, more time in the offensive zone, and more shots on net but they still managed to sneek out a win.  Their goalie played very well and they also got some pretty good breaks.  Nothing to be ashamed of boys, we played our best hockey that game.  We had great offensive pressure, passed the puck well, and controlled it well in their end but unfortunately it's the score that matters and we were on the short side of the scoresheet that game.   Player of the Game went to Cunningham for a greatly consistent game performance. 

 

As I close I must tell all you guys that went to the tourney that it was another amazingly awesome event.  On the ice we played well, had a winning record, and finished 3rd place out of 16 teams.  That's because we played as a team, fought hard for the puck, and played smart and good hockey cycling the puck around the boards when need be, passing it to the point, and having more puck possession.  Off the ice we represented the PFHC well as well.  They all seem to enjoy hanging out with the PFHC.  Can't say that I blame them. 

I truly am proud to be the Captain of the Portland Firefighters Hockey Club.  It's a privelege to lead you guys and call you my teamates and friends.  It's a bond of brothers that can never be broken.   I  know we joke, harrass, and make fun of each other but beyond the jokes, fruit bowls, bran muffins, and shower urine are truly great memories and truly great friends createing a strong and lasting brotherhood.  At least that's what my counselor is telling me. 

 

Lastly, the Player of the Tournament announcement. 

I have toiled over this and thought long and hard over who to give award the P.O.T. and I decided to go with Walter Madison......I mean Walker Mallison.  Not only did you play Defense but you played it really well.  You moved the opponents out of our real estate in front of our net, you made great breakout passess, and you had good shots from the Blue Line in the offensive zone.  Your passion, drive, and true love for this great game is very much appreciated and evident.  Great Job Walker.  

 

*helpful hockey hint #2:

Don't feel bad if you don't have Helpful Hockey Hint because that exact admission might be what it takes to free someone from the bondage of having all the answers.